Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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