Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
