You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
