direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize