I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
youre lurking in front of me
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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