A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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