3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
