I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
