hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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