I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
