I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
