Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
