You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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