I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
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If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The best revenge is premature balding
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
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I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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