i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
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I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
you made out with another girl for some wings
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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