i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
