I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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