Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
