Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
