sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
