I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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