I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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