I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
