We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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