Did you just see the Batmobile???
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
