my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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