champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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