My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
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there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
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Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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