Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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