I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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