bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my vag is so smooth its legendary
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
