Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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