I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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