His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
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He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
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An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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