census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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