I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
