if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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