i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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