I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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