I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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