Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
