And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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