I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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