She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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