tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
