I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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