Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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