Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
we're so committed to being not committed
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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