You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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