Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
