Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
