don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
