singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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