i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
