just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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