The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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