But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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