I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it was like eating out sand paper
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
