If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
