This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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