I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
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