dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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