I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
