dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
