Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize