If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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