apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
that may or may not have been my penis.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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