I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
