apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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