it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
