Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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