You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
