i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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