Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sext me about skeletons
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
