sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
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Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
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Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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