Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Randomize
