we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
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