sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
