I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wish i was in the wii world.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
