...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
