My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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