So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
